I don’t know what other public avenue is public yet private enough to post my interior altercations. Why do we feel the need to blast these things into the universe? Possibly because we aren’t brave enough to speak to the one person we want each word to penetrate. I too, am not brave enough.
As manipulative as anyone can be in this world, most definitely including me, there always seems to be a love withdrawal in the case of ambiguity. Even the most talented satisfiers find addiction in a figurative person. The reality is that most people can fluidly transfer their lust to one person to the next. Envy in those too committed to themselves builds into a much larger passion for negativity aimed at such person.
I would never wish bad on anyone. Even those I have served I have never expected anything back. That is the purest love I had to offer. The last of gratitude is what caused it to be past tense. So when I say I must prosper, know it is out of the dignity of my heart, not the ego of my mind.
It was the moment I realized I valued the passionate personal relationship we shared greater than any other aspect of our partnership that made me quantify the stability of our kingdom. Those thoughts are lethal, and there will be casualties.
In my world, the single person I let myself release all pretensions for and trusted wouldn’t have deceived me. Especially when I was so confident that said person would never hurt me, it felt that real. It is a possibility I am a bad judge of character, it wouldn’t be the first time.
While every moment re-lived is sweeter than every other passionate pas de deux, it has been washed away in a tar like black mud. Sticky residue on every inch of the skin it had touched suffocated the pores of my soul. Heavy enough to exist at my foot steps in a morbid translation of your manipulation, as anyone can be in this world, most definitely me included, there always seems to be a love withdrawal in the case of ambiguity.